I Need Help

these few days i dun feel myself rite wif God and the cg members... is it becoz of the re-structuring that affected me??? i dun think so... i'm happy abt the restructuring... am i??? i am not as before??? why is it so??? lost the fire of outreaching... God... this is ur commandment... ur commission...

i still rem ur calling for me... but God why am i feeling like leaving u??? i wan to rem ur love for me... i dun wanna leave u God... i dun wanna abandon u... God... help me to be rite before u... i wan the fire of outreach back... i wan it God... i dun wanna act in front of pple...

yesterday my leader ask me in msn... my leader said: "are u alright??? is it that i'm sensitive or wat? i feel that we are not as close as before..." after my leader said that, i know that i drifting away from God and His pple... i dun wanna make my pple feel sad for me... yesterday i saw one of my pple, once i see him, i feel like avoiding him... is that a sign of avoiding u God???

there are times i deny God... after that came a person to my mind... Peter... he denied Jesus 3 times... i know, that when i deny Jesus, He will feel sad... becoz He loves me so much... God, i really wanna get myself rite wif u again... i wanna shine for u again...

argh... i hate this feeling... i really hate this feeling... i hate this feeling... i hate this feeling... i hate this feeling... i hate this feeling...